i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
