Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
