I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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