I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How does it feel to date your dad?
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