so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
