I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize