hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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