I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
