Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
