You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
