Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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