yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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