Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize