id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
