maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
