Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
