In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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