i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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