what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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