My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She's the barista slut.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
