listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
