6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
