I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
