I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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