Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
