hotel room ftw
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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