hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
BRING THE BAGELS
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
