I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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