I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
