Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
