theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
