If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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