Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
