chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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