my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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