I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
