Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
