everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
