Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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