Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My day in three words: secret purse cake
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
