She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I think your dad took our porno
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
