Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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