Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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