WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
