I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
