Just cropdusted the office
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
