You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
