I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
