we have pet lesbian snakes
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
