Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
