Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
