He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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