my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
