I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
