I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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