I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
