tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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