Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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