Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
