I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
