apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
