You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
