haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
