I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
