I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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